• life

    where’s my ship

    I have only been to Seattle a hand full of times. On my first trip there, during college, I met the man I would marry. We returned over spring break this year, after 16 years, with a lot more life under our belt and three little boys.

    We hit many of the major tourist attractions and we all enjoyed the outings and each other. Sometimes just a change of scenery is so good for the soul.

    Only took my point and shoot. With three of them and Greg being only two, I am not ready to take a bigger camera. My head and eyes crave a big camera but a bigger camera means sacrificing a hand for keeping boys out of harm’s way. I need both of mine and a gaggle of guardian angels to feel comfortable in a new place. Maybe I need to ease up a little, but I am only willing to give a little space to Keith so far.

    Thought I would have time to write more about our trip but somehow life always seems to have different plans. Spent the afternoon in emergency getting stitches in Greg’s forehead. YIKES! Wanted to get these up before it is time to post Easter’s colorful bounty.

  • family,  life,  Uncategorized

    it held a lot

    i didn’t know it was the end when I woke up yesterday.

    it seemed like any of a string of days we have had between last October and April. cold. wet. gray. sleep. repeat. but today the constants shifted. not in the weather. not in the people exactly but for the first time in over 8 years a room was missing something.

    i looked hard for it when it was time to bring it into our home so long ago. nothing too plain. nothing too modern. nothing to flimsy. it had to have a strength of style and build. clean lines and a warm presence.

    i looked hard for it again today as a blank floor sprung up in front of me. the floor was ready for something new. but i don’t know if i was ready. if i am ready.

    something new lies in its place. something aesthetically less beautiful. the new object is more functional now. i am not sure it is just the beauty of the object which has been replaced.

    there have been times today when I wished I would have known it was the end so I could have taken a photo of the last night. i am so sentimental. painfully at times.

    there have been times today when I have been grateful I didn’t know it was the end so I could just move it out quickly like removing a bandaid.

    it was in the twilight of the day, when the only noises I hear are the drip, drip, drip of a gutter which needs repaired and my typing, when I am fighting back the tears. i am trying to etch the feeling, the smell of the room, the miracles of what this object has held for me.

    it held my babies. when the day had gone and my arms, head and heart needed a rest. it held all three of my precious babies.

    the room won’t ever be the same. the paint will soon change it and the rest of the objects will scatter or disappear. an old resident will move back into the room and the current one down the hall. new memories will be etched in my heart of the room. i look forward to embracing them.

    but today i am scared of loosing the memories which have changed my soul.






  • life


    A candle is lit. Prayers and Hail Marys have been said. Calls have been made. I still feel helpless and lost.

    Determined to make food and drop it off at your home, I have spent nearly an hour sifting through recipes trying to find the right meal to sustain your family. Every fifth recipe is from your kitchen. The only one I want to make for them I don’t have all the ingredients for. Nothing will sustain them but you.

    I see your face, feel your smile and hear your words. You are a fighter, a go-getter, a loyal friend and one of the smartest women I know. You are unafraid to be yourself, wise beyond your years and a nurturer to so many. Now, you need to be nurtured.

    Since the dawn of our friendship I have imagined how silly we would look playing card games on quiet afternoons with grey hair and hearing aids. I have worked, played, laughed and cried with you.

    God, please bring d back to us. Heal her so that her boys can have her back. Heal her so that we might laugh and cry and enjoy more life with her. Lord, ease her pain, calm her worries and hold her close to you now and forever, but please bring her back to us.

  • family,  life


    Some days were so right and some days were so wrong in 2010 and I want more to be on the right side. Every morning, I want to choose joy. To choose love. To choose learning. To choose communication. Somewhere, sometime, while trying to make a life, I have forgotten a little bit about living it. I need to embrace living again. In the moment, in the little things, in my daily routines. Soak in my blessings and let them be enough.

    So, it is time to make a change. A choice to live a little more and quite worrying about trying to make a life. Do I know exactly how to make it happen? No. All I know is it starts with making a choice. And I am pretty sure I won’t be successful everyday. But if I start living a little more each day, maybe the living in the moment, in the joy, will become more of the normal and I long for that. At church we say “Peace be with you.” I am seeking that peace.

    My hopes

    • Communicate more
    • Laugh more
    • Rest more
    • Breathe more
    • Love more
    • Have our  family photographed, by someone other than me.
    • Take an perfectly, imperfect family photograph with all five of us in it every month. Crazy, unkept, serious, dirty, laughing… however we are together, photograph it.
    • Learn to say no.
    • Learn to say yes more to the spontainious wishes of my kiddos. Mom, let’s paint. Yes! Mom, let’s go for a bike ride. You too. Yes! Mom, let’s eat cookies. Yes! Mom, let’s do nothing but play games all day. Yes!

    The list could be a mile long but then it would defeat the purpose of change for 2011. I hope to look back on 2011 and be proud to have built a stronger life by having chosen to live it fully.

    Happy New Year!

    Just a cute pic of my littlest saying goodbye to the baby jesus from one of our creches.

  • life

    thank you….

    To the quiet, sweet woman in the Toyota dealership service department waiting room this morning, thank you.

    9:00 am on the first day of summer, I had the van scheduled for an oil change so that we can get ready for all the summer fun coming up. The boys were up and ready to start the summer. What kid wants to sit in a waiting room for an hour or more when there are bikes to ride and dirt to get under your fingernails? The troops chose a book to read while we waited and that worked for a while but then attention spans waned.

    I love Greg to pieces at this stage. His cute first words, bright eyes and sweet giggles are enough to make me want to squeeze him all day long. But what comes with this adorable stage is an absolutely, relentless curiosity. The curiosity is innate and it is how toddlers learn so quickly about the world but as a mother it is tiring. As I visualize myself in the waiting room while I write this my stomach clenches and I can feel my neck muscles strain. One fire is enough to put out at once but several is enough to add to the grey hairs on your head at light speed. I have three. In all fairness, Keith is an absolute gem. He is 7, almost 8 and he is a pretty typical first-born. He follows the rules, quietly entertains himself and helps out if asked. I happily let him bury his nose in his Lego Star Wars: The Visual Dictionary. One corralled, two to go. Tommy has matured so much in the last year. I am so proud of how far he has  in every aspect of his academic and social skills. By no fault of his own Tommy is four. Four is an age of testing boundaries, short attention spans and the wiggles. Picture me as the ball in a ping pong match between Tommy and Greg and that is what my 78 minutes in the service “lounge” looked like. But who was counting.

    The diamond for me in this crazy morning came about 50 minutes in when a woman looked up at me from her reading and with smiling eyes said, ” I don’t care about what you think in your head. You are doing a great job.” sob. If I hadn’t been in public, I would have been a blubbering idiot. I gave her the most sincere smile I could muster while wrestling with a one-year-old and giving a four-year-old “the look”. What I really wanted to do was hug this stranger and thank her for seeing straight to my soul.

    Those small words given to me by a stranger were a precious gift. They made my first day of summer magical.

    And if keeping three boys in line while waiting once a day wasn’t enough. I took them this afternoon to get haircuts. Here is my favorite photo of the waiting at the barber shop. My littlest covered in sugar and drool from the Tootsie Roll pop used as a bribe. My oldest quietly reading a chapter book. Taken with my point and shoot because of all the sudden movements I have to make in order to corral said littlest.

  • life

    rain, rain, go away

    Mother nature, for real. I know I have said it a million times to you during May. But you seem to have forgotten. Rain, Rain, go away.

    April showers… not May showers and thunderstorms and down pours and puddles. We have yet to break out the short-sleeved shirts because you seem to have forgotten what month it is. I am usually quite forgiving of the cleansing powers of the rain and appreciate the break in watering my flowers, veggies and lawn. BUT, enough is enough.

    I need the sun on my face. I need fresh air to clear my head. I need my backyard for the boys to run. If I send them to the backyard now, I worry they might drown in the puddles you have left back there.

    So, hear me this time.

    Pretty please.

  • life


    So excited for the changes on the horizon. Changes are exciting and scary at times.

    As you can see a new blogsite and domain name but many other things in store and can’t wait.