• life

    d

    A candle is lit. Prayers and Hail Marys have been said. Calls have been made. I still feel helpless and lost.

    Determined to make food and drop it off at your home, I have spent nearly an hour sifting through recipes trying to find the right meal to sustain your family. Every fifth recipe is from your kitchen. The only one I want to make for them I don’t have all the ingredients for. Nothing will sustain them but you.

    I see your face, feel your smile and hear your words. You are a fighter, a go-getter, a loyal friend and one of the smartest women I know. You are unafraid to be yourself, wise beyond your years and a nurturer to so many. Now, you need to be nurtured.

    Since the dawn of our friendship I have imagined how silly we would look playing card games on quiet afternoons with grey hair and hearing aids. I have worked, played, laughed and cried with you.

    God, please bring d back to us. Heal her so that her boys can have her back. Heal her so that we might laugh and cry and enjoy more life with her. Lord, ease her pain, calm her worries and hold her close to you now and forever, but please bring her back to us.

  • family,  life

    Hope…

    Some days were so right and some days were so wrong in 2010 and I want more to be on the right side. Every morning, I want to choose joy. To choose love. To choose learning. To choose communication. Somewhere, sometime, while trying to make a life, I have forgotten a little bit about living it. I need to embrace living again. In the moment, in the little things, in my daily routines. Soak in my blessings and let them be enough.

    So, it is time to make a change. A choice to live a little more and quite worrying about trying to make a life. Do I know exactly how to make it happen? No. All I know is it starts with making a choice. And I am pretty sure I won’t be successful everyday. But if I start living a little more each day, maybe the living in the moment, in the joy, will become more of the normal and I long for that. At church we say “Peace be with you.” I am seeking that peace.

    My hopes

    • Communicate more
    • Laugh more
    • Rest more
    • Breathe more
    • Love more
    • Have our ¬†family photographed, by someone other than me.
    • Take an perfectly, imperfect family photograph with all five of us in it every month. Crazy, unkept, serious, dirty, laughing… however we are together, photograph it.
    • Learn to say no.
    • Learn to say yes more to the spontainious wishes of my kiddos. Mom, let’s paint. Yes! Mom, let’s go for a bike ride. You too. Yes! Mom, let’s eat cookies. Yes! Mom, let’s do nothing but play games all day. Yes!

    The list could be a mile long but then it would defeat the purpose of change for 2011. I hope to look back on 2011 and be proud to have built a stronger life by having chosen to live it fully.

    Happy New Year!

    Just a cute pic of my littlest saying goodbye to the baby jesus from one of our creches.